Up and Doing

     There's a lot about me you guys don't know. A lot I just haven't written here largely because of my inconsistency with blogging. And maybe you just haven't been on this blog before. Either way, I just want to fill you in. Just in case you didn't know... this is 20 random things about myself. The list may not actually be so random but this is a very unplanned and spontaneous post.
1. I'm a born again Christian.
2. I used braces for about 2 years. I had really terrible dentition before.
3. I hate second trips. I'd rather sprain my ankle carrying the car into the house than go twice to the car.
4. I love window shopping. I love pretty things. I almost can't go to a mall or a supermarket without browsing through.
5. I'm a photographer. I should start posting some of my work here soonest.
6. I'm a law student in the University of Lagos.
7. I hate Nollywood movies because of their mediocrity. You can't watch a Nollywood movie without hearing me blurt something in annoyance. I keep hissing and stuff..
8. I don't have a favourite thing to eat. I follow my cravings but I love bread, milk, garri, sausage, beans, fried rice and Chinese food. I love crunchy food. I hate spaghetti except Korede's spaghetti @Unilag and Chijioke's spaghetti @medilag. I hate noodles except it's heavily garnished. Even then I eat very little.
9. I love going out but I'm an indoors person.
10. I'm one of the most hyper people you'll ever meet. I almost always have energy.
11. I love to read everything but my textbooks.
12. I'm a very simple person. I'm just complicated sometimes.
13. I have low-cut hair and I'm currently planning my next hair cut.
14. I have 2 younger brothers.
15. I've been to more than 10 states in Nigeria. I only passed through some but it still counts. Doesn't it? Bottom line, I love traveling.
16. I LOVE FANTA.
17. I think faster than my brain.
18. I attend Rhythm 5 fellowship, Unilag.
19. I'm very open to new things.
20 I talk to myself and the Holy Spirit out loud. I also dance in the street. Try it sometime, it's awesome. It gives you a sense of "not-caring" about what people say..

    One thing I find it very easy to do is lying. It's really easy. All you have to do is tweak the truth a tiny bit and bam! you've lied!! Welcome to the club. (We need a name for our club. How about Liars Alliance?) I don't think I lied yesterday. I may have avoided telling the truth.. Is that a lie? I'm a Believer and that means honesty should be my way any time of day. BUT as a child, my parents and society taught me that it was okay to lie sometimes and hide the truth. The key was to make it a periodical habit so you aren't termed a "Liar". Unfortunately, I became very good at what I'd like to call "Honest Lying". While I was growing up, we had a neighbour, a guy around my age. Kids in the neighborhood used to joke that if he said it was morning, the sky would suddenly become dark and the sun would set. That was how deep his lying was. He was a Lying Liar.
    I made a decision to stop lying last week and so far, I have propagated a big lie to my family and I can see it growing even bigger right in front of me. The lie ends on Thursday. I'm going to make that decision again and gracefully stick to it this time.
    People lie for so many reasons. To protect themselves or look good, to protect others or make them look good (classic cliche but still true), to get favours, to destroy someone else, to make someone jump off a cliff, to make sure a crazed hit man attacks someone else (this is getting out of hand).. People lie for all sorts of reasons and so do I. A conversation I had with my mum last week emphasized an age long truth: Human beings lie to themselves. I was trying to be real with my mum but she was having none of it. She didn't like what I had to say and so her tone of voice changed and she started to boss me around. I almost got into an argument with her because she's been doing this for a long time but I knew that I would lose. Most Nigerians do this. Ignore the things they know as true because it will mean a shift in their lairs of comfort. A mother ignores her child's indiscretions because according to her, she's just a child. A woman about to get married allows herself to believe that the dream of her man becoming a better person is real. She ignores the first few slaps because of a prison of gold (if she's lucky) around her finger. And many more instances..
     I may lie to people but I don't lie to myself. At least, I try not to. I don't tell myself that I was right when I know it in my gut that I was wrong. No matter how clear the facts are. I only argue with self on when to apologize or if I should. I don't lie to myself that I'm fine when I'm not. I might lie to others but when there's the slightest shift in equilibrium, I know and I admit it. I like to admit when I don't want to share. I like to voice it out when I feel like I've had more than enough.
    I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm not in love with Jesus. I love Him and I am grateful for all he has done for me. You have no idea what he has done. It's amazing that someone I can't see has done way more than those I can see. I love Jesus but I'm not crazy in love with him. I want to be but now I'm not. While some Christians might read this and pass a judgy or two, I can't be bothered. Not really. Because in my blatant honesty with myself and with God in the past few months, I have gone farther in my Christian Walk than I have in years. Just because I was honest. Just because I admitted that I didn't know how. Now God is nudging me to be honest with the people around me instead of hiding the truth about myself from them. This is typical me, hide what you don't want them to see and let them believe what they want. At a point, I thought all I needed was to be honest with God and that was it but God's standards are God's standards. And all round honesty is one of them.

      It's a new year and ultimately, our lives must start again. For me, the holidays were a much needed break from all the drama and stress of school. It's nice to know I'm done with my first year and I came out in one piece. "Was it that bad?", you might ask. Yes! It was. Half the time, I was too happy and too hyper, while the other half, I was too reserved and too depressed. They say high school is hard. It is, till you get into college or a university.
      Being in a college or a university is very different from being in high school but it's really not that different. The main variation is the amount of freedom and then again, that really depends on the kind of parents you have. The awareness that no one back home knows what you're doing, and that you can't be punished or scolded. And then you go wild. If you're like me, you aren't really close to your parents and you don't have mentors or role models or the right guidance so it's easier to get lost. To fit in and flow with the river of sameness and unoriginality. Finding and extricating yourself is harder than getting in.
     I'd like to tell you a nice, interesting story of how I lost and found myself but sadly or maybe luckily, it didn't happen. I didn't go wild and start partying like crazy. I didn't become a first class bitch. Third class maybe. But almost never on purpose. Why?  because I was heart broken.
     Imagine a situation where your boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you on one day that was supposed to be a very important one for you, like your matriculation day. He or she is even supposed to be there with you and for you but you get a break up text.It shattered me though I never let on. I had friends and family to be there for and a life to live. Have you ever had to restrain yourself from crying in a public place? Like a bus. You really want to give in but you remember all those people around you and you realize you might become an overnight Youtube celebrity if you don't hold it. Tough choice, I know. But I didn't become a Youtube celebrity. Big girls don't cry.
    So I moved on from boy to boy to boy, desperately looking for love when it was with me all that time. Not in a boy but in my heavenly father. It's crazy how a few words from him can calm your worst fears. I'm not a perfect sister. I'm still a big work in progress but I realized that I had to wait for the love I was desperately searching for it would come at its time.
    It's a new year and I'm moving on, I'm growing and I will not follow the tide. I will be my awkward self even if I get laughed at or made fun of. Why should you be bothered by the opinions of people who don't care about you? The people you have to impress or look good for don't care.. except they're your boss,
    I'm writing from a place of pain but in that pain, I have peace because God loves me.
p.s I hope no one in my family reads this till I'm 50!