When I was younger, I used to think it was really easy to forgive. I was so naïve. And then, no one had hurt me really badly before. Fast forward to a few years later, I have a story to tell.
I have a friend who thinks it's really disturbing how I expect people to use me. But despite my many disappointments, I always expect the best from people and am always greatly disappointed. There was a particular person I never expected to screw me over. At least not in the way he did. I don't want to go into details but I was really hurt. This person was a father figure and a friend. Basically, I was really pained sha. I told a few friends in a bid to get it off my chest but it didn't work. I moved on, or so I thought.
Fast forward to a few months later, my prayer life was suffering, my study life was dead. I couldn't connect to the Holy Spirit. I couldn't hear His voice. I was floating. I didn't know why. I was just there sha. I tried. I really did but I couldn't get back on track. Once in a while I would make progress but then I'd go right back to where I started. It was frustrating. I started questioning a lot of things. I started to wonder if this "Christian Life" was really the kind of life I wanted to live. The world looked so interesting and still does sometimes. I was a living confusion. I didn't know what I wanted, what was right. I wasn't sure of anything. The only thing that kept me going was church. Sunday and Thursday Services were my biweekly doses of sanity. Every other day was crazy day.
This Sunday, the 24th of June, changed something about me. I am so sure. Love, the Jesus kind of love is really difficult. It is humanly impossible. It is inhuman. It inhumane. How am I supposed to love my enemies!? And I'm supposed to keep saying hi to people who intentionally snob me?!
Let's not forget forgiving people who hurt me as much as 539 times in a day. Oh and praying for those who despitefully use me. Going the extra mile for people who would most likely never do the same.. And then, giving even when you don't have enough to people who are probably ungrateful. Wow. Just wow. Who does that?? Who does that!!?? Jesus did. Am I Jesus??😒😒😪
It took me allowing God to help me forgive for me to let go. I didn't even know that I had a grudge in the first place. I honestly had no idea. I knew I couldn't bear to talk to this person but I didn't know it was because I hadn't forgiven him. It was like a clamp around my heart stopping a lot of things from happening. And every time I got hurt, it just got tighter. It all came to a head during Rhythm 5's Camp Meeting. I couldn't even listen to the messages because the clamp was so tight. I couldn't breathe. Every time I saw someone who I felt had done me wrong, it'd squeeze up my heart. Sigh. My rich heart. God removed this clamp during Camp Meeting. But on the 24th, he helped me heal.
Today, I spoke to this person I couldn't bear to talk to and I was fine. I was laughing and gisting like nothing happened. It was amazing. I've forgiven him. Someone is probably asking "how??!". I prayed. When I couldn't take it anymore, I prayed about it. I should have done that earlier but I didn't even know it was an issue. It is possible for un-forgiveness to clog your heart. It is also possible for you to let everything go. Inhuman, yes but possible. The benefits? I'm almost like a child all over again. I can do whatever, for real. Dance in the street.. Fly....... Lol. Just kidding. Basically, my heart is lighter than it's been in a long time and that reduces my entire body weight. 😂😂😂
WARNING: Reader's discretion is gently advised.
This only applies if you’re related to the hosts.
1. Everyone knows you. Including people you've never met in your incomplete lifespan.
2. You’re a short cut to everything to the guests. I mean anything.. Spoons, meat, drinks.. Kind of like a MasterCard.
3. The bigger the party, the less significant you are. Except you’re the bride or groom. You’re only recognized when it’s time to take pictures.
4. Don’t wear high heels for too long, you will regret it.
5. You are your greatest enemy. Wear a mask. For real.
6. You’re a house girl and a sales girl all at once.
7. People will annoy you in ways you never imagined.
8. Eat before you leave home.
9. If you’re getting to the venue late, get made up. I mean jaw dropping, face sculpting, beauty increasing make up. People will be too stunned to scold you, especially if you’re a guy.
10. All the rich, fine boys are abroad or on TV.
11. Dance well, but only on the dance floor. You might not be sprayed otherwise.
12. This is legit one of the best ways to lose weight
13. “Mogbo moya” is a must if it’s not strictly by invitation.
14. Make the best out of the opportunity to make money and connections.
15. I just have to be corny, be yourself abeg. Forming might not help you. Imagine you fell down..
16. Please don’t fall down.
17. OK bye
P.S: Gently is a real word. I just found out.
Have you ever whined and cried for something so bad but when you got it, you wondered why you asked? I've been asking God for some things for about 4-5 months and now that I have them, I wonder why I really wanted them. I asked for freedom, now it’s too much. I asked for money, now it’s too much. I'm not used to having so much that I don’t know what to do with it. I asked for my own space and now, it’s lonely. I used to stay in an apartment with 7 girls and sometimes it got really rowdy but they kept me sane. They kept me safe. Now that I'm not on my own, I really don’t know what I should be doing.
Being with like-minded people does something to you. You tend to have the same ideologies on matters in a general sense. Now that I don’t live with them, my mind has begun to roam free. And now, I am confused.
I just turned 21 which means I'm meant to get my act together, be grown up and responsible. I have to know what I want to do with my life. I have to stand fiercely for something or fall for anything. I’ve been asking myself if the life I’ve lived for the past 4 years is the one I want to live for the next 70. I’ve been asking myself what I really want. I've been asking myself who I really am. And who I want to be.
I'm not a feminist. I’m sorry ladies, I don’t care about women’s rights strongly enough to base my life on it. I'm not a human or child rights activist. I am passionate about women and children’s rights but not so much to live for it all my days. I'm not a lawyer. I've “studied” law for almost 5 years and my love for it has only reduced over time. I'm not a slay queen or a fashionista..
For the past 4 years, I've slowly but surely began to stand for Christ and I haven’t regretted it. Not one bit. B U T, the older I got, the more enticing the world got and now it’s like the world is after me. Literally. From boys to success to money to friends. In the midst of all this, I'm still asking myself this question..
What do I stand for?
There's a lot about me you guys don't know. A lot I just haven't written here largely because of my inconsistency with blogging. And maybe you just haven't been on this blog before. Either way, I just want to fill you in. Just in case you didn't know... this is 20 random things about myself. The list may not actually be so random but this is a very unplanned and spontaneous post.1. I'm a born again Christian.
2. I used braces for about 2 years. I had really terrible dentition before.
3. I hate second trips. I'd rather sprain my ankle carrying the car into the house than go twice to the car.
4. I love window shopping. I love pretty things. I almost can't go to a mall or a supermarket without browsing through.
5. I'm a photographer. I should start posting some of my work here soonest.
6. I'm a law student in the University of Lagos.
7. I hate Nollywood movies because of their mediocrity. You can't watch a Nollywood movie without hearing me blurt something in annoyance. I keep hissing and stuff..
8. I don't have a favourite thing to eat. I follow my cravings but I love bread, milk, garri, sausage, beans, fried rice and Chinese food. I love crunchy food. I hate spaghetti except Korede's spaghetti @Unilag and Chijioke's spaghetti @medilag. I hate noodles except it's heavily garnished. Even then I eat very little.
9. I love going out but I'm an indoors person.
10. I'm one of the most hyper people you'll ever meet. I almost always have energy.
11. I love to read everything but my textbooks.
12. I'm a very simple person. I'm just complicated sometimes.
13. I have low-cut hair and I'm currently planning my next hair cut.
14. I have 2 younger brothers.
15. I've been to more than 10 states in Nigeria. I only passed through some but it still counts. Doesn't it? Bottom line, I love traveling.
16. I LOVE FANTA.
17. I think faster than my brain.
18. I attend Rhythm 5 fellowship, Unilag.
19. I'm very open to new things.
20 I talk to myself and the Holy Spirit out loud. I also dance in the street. Try it sometime, it's awesome. It gives you a sense of "not-caring" about what people say..
One thing I find it very easy to do is lying. It's really easy. All you have to do is tweak the truth a tiny bit and bam! you've lied!! Welcome to the club. (We need a name for our club. How about Liars Alliance?) I don't think I lied yesterday. I may have avoided telling the truth.. Is that a lie? I'm a Believer and that means honesty should be my way any time of day. BUT as a child, my parents and society taught me that it was okay to lie sometimes and hide the truth. The key was to make it a periodical habit so you aren't termed a "Liar". Unfortunately, I became very good at what I'd like to call "Honest Lying". While I was growing up, we had a neighbour, a guy around my age. Kids in the neighborhood used to joke that if he said it was morning, the sky would suddenly become dark and the sun would set. That was how deep his lying was. He was a Lying Liar.
I made a decision to stop lying last week and so far, I have propagated a big lie to my family and I can see it growing even bigger right in front of me. The lie ends on Thursday. I'm going to make that decision again and gracefully stick to it this time.
People lie for so many reasons. To protect themselves or look good, to protect others or make them look good (classic cliche but still true), to get favours, to destroy someone else, to make someone jump off a cliff, to make sure a crazed hit man attacks someone else (this is getting out of hand).. People lie for all sorts of reasons and so do I. A conversation I had with my mum last week emphasized an age long truth: Human beings lie to themselves. I was trying to be real with my mum but she was having none of it. She didn't like what I had to say and so her tone of voice changed and she started to boss me around. I almost got into an argument with her because she's been doing this for a long time but I knew that I would lose. Most Nigerians do this. Ignore the things they know as true because it will mean a shift in their lairs of comfort. A mother ignores her child's indiscretions because according to her, she's just a child. A woman about to get married allows herself to believe that the dream of her man becoming a better person is real. She ignores the first few slaps because of a prison of gold (if she's lucky) around her finger. And many more instances..
I may lie to people but I don't lie to myself. At least, I try not to. I don't tell myself that I was right when I know it in my gut that I was wrong. No matter how clear the facts are. I only argue with self on when to apologize or if I should. I don't lie to myself that I'm fine when I'm not. I might lie to others but when there's the slightest shift in equilibrium, I know and I admit it. I like to admit when I don't want to share. I like to voice it out when I feel like I've had more than enough.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm not in love with Jesus. I love Him and I am grateful for all he has done for me. You have no idea what he has done. It's amazing that someone I can't see has done way more than those I can see. I love Jesus but I'm not crazy in love with him. I want to be but now I'm not. While some Christians might read this and pass a judgy or two, I can't be bothered. Not really. Because in my blatant honesty with myself and with God in the past few months, I have gone farther in my Christian Walk than I have in years. Just because I was honest. Just because I admitted that I didn't know how. Now God is nudging me to be honest with the people around me instead of hiding the truth about myself from them. This is typical me, hide what you don't want them to see and let them believe what they want. At a point, I thought all I needed was to be honest with God and that was it but God's standards are God's standards. And all round honesty is one of them.
I made a decision to stop lying last week and so far, I have propagated a big lie to my family and I can see it growing even bigger right in front of me. The lie ends on Thursday. I'm going to make that decision again and gracefully stick to it this time.
People lie for so many reasons. To protect themselves or look good, to protect others or make them look good (classic cliche but still true), to get favours, to destroy someone else, to make someone jump off a cliff, to make sure a crazed hit man attacks someone else (this is getting out of hand).. People lie for all sorts of reasons and so do I. A conversation I had with my mum last week emphasized an age long truth: Human beings lie to themselves. I was trying to be real with my mum but she was having none of it. She didn't like what I had to say and so her tone of voice changed and she started to boss me around. I almost got into an argument with her because she's been doing this for a long time but I knew that I would lose. Most Nigerians do this. Ignore the things they know as true because it will mean a shift in their lairs of comfort. A mother ignores her child's indiscretions because according to her, she's just a child. A woman about to get married allows herself to believe that the dream of her man becoming a better person is real. She ignores the first few slaps because of a prison of gold (if she's lucky) around her finger. And many more instances..
I may lie to people but I don't lie to myself. At least, I try not to. I don't tell myself that I was right when I know it in my gut that I was wrong. No matter how clear the facts are. I only argue with self on when to apologize or if I should. I don't lie to myself that I'm fine when I'm not. I might lie to others but when there's the slightest shift in equilibrium, I know and I admit it. I like to admit when I don't want to share. I like to voice it out when I feel like I've had more than enough.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm not in love with Jesus. I love Him and I am grateful for all he has done for me. You have no idea what he has done. It's amazing that someone I can't see has done way more than those I can see. I love Jesus but I'm not crazy in love with him. I want to be but now I'm not. While some Christians might read this and pass a judgy or two, I can't be bothered. Not really. Because in my blatant honesty with myself and with God in the past few months, I have gone farther in my Christian Walk than I have in years. Just because I was honest. Just because I admitted that I didn't know how. Now God is nudging me to be honest with the people around me instead of hiding the truth about myself from them. This is typical me, hide what you don't want them to see and let them believe what they want. At a point, I thought all I needed was to be honest with God and that was it but God's standards are God's standards. And all round honesty is one of them.
Hi,
I've decided to start a series. In my Exodus. I've been trying to write for a while but it's so hard because I can't relate to any of the things I used to. I'm going through something on the inside and it's changing me. I guess I can say I'm transitioning. This transition is painful but interesting. I'm discovering some things about myself that have stared at me for years and that I never knew.
I'm growing up. I'm becoming a woman and it's quite grounding. This is like the only thing I can relate to for now. I hope you enjoy it and can relate too. I don't know how long this will last. The Israelites did stay 40 in the wilderness. God had to get them to a point of newness. Pushing out the old. Studying the journey of the Israelites has actually taught me a few things about myself. It's crazy but I see myself in "Leviticus", grumbling and dragging my feet like God's people in "Numbers". I have issues with that thing in my chest called a heart. I'm struggling to hold on to my comfort zones but they aren't working for me anymore. Israel was used to way of Life in Egypt. They were slaves but they were comfortable where they were. The wilderness was to prepare them for a new way of life, even among pagan nations. I'm kind of like that right now. Comfortable in the chains I have created for myself. But, I am on a journey to my promised land, receiving my own manna, grumbling, repenting, learning and growing. I'm in my wilderness. In my Exodus. It took 40 years for a nation to be exactly as God wanted. I hope my journey won't be as long
I've decided to start a series. In my Exodus. I've been trying to write for a while but it's so hard because I can't relate to any of the things I used to. I'm going through something on the inside and it's changing me. I guess I can say I'm transitioning. This transition is painful but interesting. I'm discovering some things about myself that have stared at me for years and that I never knew.
I'm growing up. I'm becoming a woman and it's quite grounding. This is like the only thing I can relate to for now. I hope you enjoy it and can relate too. I don't know how long this will last. The Israelites did stay 40 in the wilderness. God had to get them to a point of newness. Pushing out the old. Studying the journey of the Israelites has actually taught me a few things about myself. It's crazy but I see myself in "Leviticus", grumbling and dragging my feet like God's people in "Numbers". I have issues with that thing in my chest called a heart. I'm struggling to hold on to my comfort zones but they aren't working for me anymore. Israel was used to way of Life in Egypt. They were slaves but they were comfortable where they were. The wilderness was to prepare them for a new way of life, even among pagan nations. I'm kind of like that right now. Comfortable in the chains I have created for myself. But, I am on a journey to my promised land, receiving my own manna, grumbling, repenting, learning and growing. I'm in my wilderness. In my Exodus. It took 40 years for a nation to be exactly as God wanted. I hope my journey won't be as long
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| All that is in my life right now. |
Hi there, human being or alien. Today, I made a most shocking discovery about myself. I don't have a life. It's shameful but true. My life has become what school, people and some circumstances have made it to be. Right now I feel a large void in the aspect of how to spend my time. It wasn't always like this. I did make the discovery only today.
Before now, I had a best friend. A guy. At least I thought I did. But what happens when your best friend of many months tells you that he's not who you think he is and you've been friends with a lie all that time. I was like: WAWU. I was hurt. I mean who pretends to be someone they're not to make another person happy?
I crushed the friendship. HS wanted me to end it as well. But now I'm here asking myself questions. Who am I? Who really am I? Aren't I good enough? That someone would pretend so much hurts a lot. I really thought we were friends.. And the most important question of all: What am I going to do now?
I know that I must move on and never go back. I know that I must try new things. I know I must discover myself. And I know that I must make new friends.
Before you overthink it, "yams" is a slang. It means issues. I created it by mixing basic english principles with a yoruba word. Now that that's done, let's move to this very unimportant topic. On Monday. a guy actually had the effrontery to walk up to me in broad daylight and touch my butt. I know, right? I standing in front of a counter in a restaurant, waiting for a friend and drinking water when it happened. I was shocked but I had to swallow the water in my mouth before I reacted. I gave him a proper bath with the bottle of water my friend paid for. It pained me o. PAUSE. I know exactly what you're thinking but stopeet! Overreact? A mistake?? Puhleeeze! The brother knew what he was doing, He told me about the 'fineness' of my butt. Twice!" PLAY.
Unfortunately for me, my bathing skills were too advanced and a lot of water splashed on a very innocent bystander. At the end, I couldn't even be angry in peace. The innocent guy was angry as well and I just had to plead and beg. Sigh. Stories that touch. My molester was obviously high as his eyes were red and blank. Long story cut short, my molester got away with his hand-wandering ways. Him and almost every female-molester in Nigeria. His actions might seem trivial to the ordinary man but I came out of that restaurant shaking. And all I did to attract him was wear a skirt and stand. My skirt was just above my knees and not clingy in any way but even if it was, so what. After seething in anger for a minute or two I walked out of that restaurant knowing I could do nothing about the whole thing. He was physically stronger and I'd probably have typed this with a black eye, a swollen cheek or broken nose if I had done anything more. It probably wouldn't be funny right now. I saw him about a week after the incident. From afar. Thank you very much. And then I got the opportunity to get a closer look at him later on and I know that he didn't recognize me.
I don't feel weird when I remember the incident or when I see him around school. One day, I might actually say hi and invite him to fellowship
This was first written on the 25th of February, 2017
I don't feel weird when I remember the incident or when I see him around school. One day, I might actually say hi and invite him to fellowship
This was first written on the 25th of February, 2017
3 Shades of Glasses
I started the day with my mum's Versace glasses. They eventually became mine. She's probably forgotten how she paid for them.
And then in the spirit of the moment, I got these Rayban shades that belong to a very nice person in my faculty. He's graduated now.
ff
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| Nice Person and me |
The third pair of shades belong to a course mate,
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| My second fave |
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| My fave |
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| My Photographer. |
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A sick African proverb or was it
just a mind-set? says that a man who cries should be called a
woman"'. How about a boy who cries?
Miss J never liked me. Why? I'm not
sure. Maybe it was because I wasn't the neatest student in her JSS 1 class. She
was my class teacher. I was 10. I just wanted to play in my spare time. It isn't
my fault that my shirt, socks and shoes decided to gather dust along the way.
Anyway, this isn't really about my dirty laundry, it's about what they might
have done to me. While my older brother was in secondary school, he went by the
nickname, Da Don. Everyone, and I mean everyone called him Da Don. Teachers,
juniors, friends, haters, everyone. Even his school notes were christened Da
Don. I loved it. And I wanted to be
just like him. I also had a friend nicknamed Springfire. I couldn't
think of a cooler nickname and so I came up with DE DON. I know what
you're thinking. So original and creative and classy and stuff. Anyway, I stuck with it. My school was a day
school, if you're wondering.
I was in the Press and Debate society
right from JSS 1. (Let's call it the P and B society for the sake of
Damimyne's poor fingers). Around the
time relevant to this story, there was a big competition coming up. I was screened and chosen as one of the
students to represent my school in the junior category of the competition.
Unfortunately for me, Miss J was also in the P and B society. It was like she
was in every aspect of my school life. We were trained by 3 teachers most of
the time, Miss J, Miss P and Springfire's mum. Occasionally, the Vice Principal
trained us. I missed 3 classes every school day from 2pm till closing for
training. I must admit that I was quite naïve because I never actually realized
how big of a deal this competition was.
The competition started. Basically, it
consisted of several schools in Lagos State meeting up to watch a few students
from 2 or more schools tear each other apart with carefully constructed
sentences regarding a particular topic. Beautiful, isn't it? The first meet was
at St. Finbars College. I don't really remember much of the competition but I
can tell you it was like whirlwind with me right at the centre oblivious of
everything around me. I was taken to different schools in air conditioned
buses, met all sorts of people and always came back with fabulous gifts like
giant ball pens! I became a celebrity in my school because I was always seen
leaving the school grounds with the Principal and other important school
officials. And let’s not forget the fabulous gifts! I gave a lot of them out to
classmates. For some reason, I always found it crucial to pray and fast before
any major thing I did. The day of my debate came and I slayed dragons. No,
really. I was like "Off with your head!" It was truly bloody. Ah! The
stuff of legends. I remember my topic was "civilization has done more harm
than good" and I was arguing against the tide of civilization's haters. I
had fun along the wordy journey. And I won.
I still didn't get that it was a big deal. I
mean, why did my dad have to come for a prize presentation ceremony? Why did he
keep congratulating me over and over? I also didn't get why everyone was
talking about me winning a lame competition. Okay, maybe I seem a bit daft
here. You're probably thinking that the vigorous training should have clued me
in amongst other things. Forgive my 10 year old
self. The said ceremony took place in the Gymnasium hall at the National Stadium.
The crowd was massive and a lot of schools were in attendance. It was my time
to shine, only I didn't know I was a star. Finally, I was called up in front of
the crème de la crème of the education sector, a representative of the Lagos
state Governor and the Commissioner of police, Lagos state. I was presented
with a plaque with the words "Best student in Lagos State 2009, Junior Category" inscribed on it. It was so shiny and 'awardy'. I
was asked to give a speech that was aired on TV. I also received a lot of gifts and blah! I
wasn't warded a scholarship even though everyone thought I was.
About two weeks after the big day,
there I was, an ignorant celebrity living a normal life unaware of his status.
My class teacher, Miss J walked into class and decided to do a note check. We
were asked to stand and place our notes on our desks. We stood and she checked. When she got to me,
she asked everyone except me and an offender to sit. The offender was standing
behind her. She questioned me about my nickname DE DON. I tried telling her the story behind it but
the offender behind her started to dance. Of course I laughed but she started
to flog me all over. I quickly sobered up. Then she looked up the meaning of the
word "Don" in the dictionary and read it in front of the whole class.
I always thought dons were just rich guys. Thank you Telemundo! And people
wonder why I hate that stuff. Miss J then proceeded to paint a fake picture of
me to class and even to me. She went on to break my heart by calling me proud
and arrogant. Fine, I always had this air of aloofness about me but proud and
arrogant? I didn't even know I had anything to be proud about. She was mean,
spiteful and hateful and I didn't know why. My dirty socks, perhaps?
What Miss J said created a big hole
in my heart and I didn't even notice. I cried hard. My classmates tried to
comfort me but it was too late. I didn't know what suicide was back then. I would
have tried it if I did. If she had stopped there, it wouldn't have been so bad
but she took this story and spread it in staffrooms. Suddenly, I was
transformed from the guy all the teachers liked to the guy to the guy all the
teachers hated. As new teachers were employed, they were updated on my gist and
the baton was passed. It was relay hate at its finest. The only teacher that
didn't join the bad gang was Miss P. These teachers even tried to turn the vice
principal against me but she had more sense. Do you know the most annoying
thing about all of it? These teachers who were supposed to be trained
professionals did not realize that I was just a boy. I was once a sanguine,
would you believe that? I'm now phlegmatic. I began to hate everything that had
to do with the competition. I didn't take part in any other ones because I was
scared of being seen. I was scared of being popular again. Even when she was no
longer my class teacher, miss J would still come to my class to make fun of me.
I left that school after JSS 3 but my teachers passed the "love" to
my brother.
Miss J died last year. When my brother told
me, I laughed hard. When I realized he was serious, I laughed harder. She died
of liver problems. I think it is ironic seeing as she had the liver to do all
those terrible things to me. I tried being sad but I got angry because I only
remembered all she did to me. I never found out why she did all things those either. I just had to live with it. I got over the torment about four years after my turning point when I gave my
life to Christ but I'm still not sure if I've actually forgiven her because try
as I might, I can't feel bad about her death.
As narrated by DE DON
Written by DamiMyne
IMAGES downloaded from Google Images
Letting go is one thing every human has to
do. I say 'has to' because of how necessary it is. I'm not about to bore you
with what letting go is, we have dictionaries and google for that. In fact,
this might be a topic that has been overly talked about but I'm writing as well
as venting, so bear with me. Honestly speaking or writing, letting go is hard
and not just for lack of what to say. Recently, I found it hard to let go of the feelings of. Infatuation or 'like' I had for this guy and it was quite annoying. I'm a proud single pringle and for me, this means that in order to avoid unnecessary complications in my life as a result of being involved with the opposite sex, I'm not dating till I get to an agreed age. Who did I agree with? God. Anyway, this guy is typically what I'd call "my type" BUT there were a few problems, the first one (I'm willing to share with you) being ... I'm not ready.
The drama of a relationship, the distraction it causes, the fierce emotions
that only one person rouses, the sexual tension, the headiness when things are
fine and loneliness when things go wrong. I'm not ready. I still want to grow
up a bit more, find out God's exact plan for my life and become the WOMAN I'm
meant to be. One relationship at the wrong time can destroy all of that.
I know all this but still, I found it hard
not to feel things. Why? I don't know. I guess it's human nature or I didn't
really want to let go. One woman that found it so hard to let go was Lot's
wife. I think "Lot" is a weird name but "Lot's wife" is on
another level (her name was never mentioned). Lot and his family had to leave
every thing they knew behind. Friends, servants, belongings, businesses,
investments, comfort, money.. Lot was very wealthy.
I'm a woman, let me get physical and
real... If Lot lived in the 21st century, his wife would have been leaving
behind Prada, Gucci, Chanel, Louboutins, Choos, expensive wigs and weaves of
different nationalities, jewelry that cost who knows how much, wedding
presents, things of sentimental value, cars, their flat screen televisions and
home theater systems, beautiful washing machines, her kitchen!.. their house!
This woman had all of this on her mind and women are really good at keeping
things on their minds. What woman wouldn't have looked back? A non
materialistic woman maybe but when that woman finds out that the whole city was
going to burn as well, what then? Everyone she had known and probably come to love.
A woman who had followed her husband so far for years living with very few
humans must have become so attached to the city life hoping to spend the rest
of her life there. If I want to be honest, Lot's family made a big sacrifice
but compared to what was at stake- their lives, it was nothing.
You might ask why looking back was such a
big deal. Letting go means taking a decision to move forward, looking back can
slow you down or make you change your mind entirely. I suspect that if Lot's
wife had successfully looked back once, she'd have done it again and again and
the whole family would have done the same. They probably wouldn't have left
Sodom like God wanted. They might have
tried to save someone or something.. How many times have you tried to hold on
just to try to change someone? It hardly ever works. People hardly ever change
people. Change is something that actually hurts (no puns intended). If God in
his unending wisdom decided that some people weren't worth saving, that some
people could be let go of, then I don't think it's such a big deal to let some
things or people go.
Holding on can be detrimental to your
physical and spiritual health. I'm sure most people have heard the rotten fruit
story but for those who haven't.. An elementary school teacher asked her
students to bring a fruit each to school. When they did, she asked them to take
the fruit everywhere they went for two weeks. After the first week, the
students were fed up with the smell and presence of the rotting fruits. Their
teacher then likened the fruits to grudges. Sweet to hold at first, I mean all
the revenge plans can feel quite empowering but then gradually they turn to
bitterness and start to cause rot in your life. Your moods become, well, moody.
Think of all the bad guys in movies in general, all of them are either crazy
(think hydra fanatics in Avengers!), simply ignorant of better behavior (think
the minions) or they're people who couldn't let go of wrongs against them
(think Ice Queen from the huntsman: Winter War). I think all bad guys have this
in common. Let's not forget those who get obsessed with a cause (think Jeanine
Matthews from Divergent!) and those who are brainwashed (give it up for the
Winter Soldier!!!). Long story short, Let go OR become a bad guy! Kidding.
One of the points I hope I drove home is
that you can choose to let go of anything and everything even if it seems like
that's the only thing that makes you happy, the world will not actually end.
To let go is to
forgive..
To let go is to
forget..
To let go is to
give..
To let go is to
love..
"For God so loved the world.."
Source of Images: Google.com
"BE YOURSELF", I think I heard this phrase about a thousand times when I was growing up. What am I saying? I'm still growing up. "When I was younger" seems more appropriate. At first, I didn't understand. It didn't even matter. I just sang along to the songs and enjoyed the movies and life went on.
I got into secondary school very young. I was 9. I was happy, I didn't think I would get in but I did. People always dread their first days at a new school, I was just ready to start school. I had fun that day but some things started to happen to me.
I discovered that unconsciously, I started trying to talk like other people, walk like other people and even laugh like other people. It became a habit. I met a lot of girls who were prettier than me, taller than me, funnier than me and I wanted to be like them. I didn't like myself the way I was cus I didnt think anyone liked me the way I was. So If everyone thinks "Tanya" has a cute laugh, why don't I laugh like Tanya?
I left my junior secondary school after my third year there. It was time for Senior Secondary. And guess what, it was a military school.
I need some thriller music in the background.
My parents sent me to a place where nightmares and bullies and evil soldiers ruled. A place where the guys were all WWE champions ( locally of course) and all the girls were ninjas and spies.
The above paragraph is merely fictional. You may open your mind again.
Okay, Command, I won't say which one, was nothing like I expected. As opposed to the rumours, I had civilian teachers; I wasn't taken to the guard room for every single thing I did wrong and I wasn't doomed. It was actually fun.
I was the new girl and everyone wanted to talk to, play with, sit with, be friends with and maybe even deceive. For the first time ever, I was famous ( exaggeration! Maybe popular is a better word) And I didn't even have to try. I just had to go to school. It was nice. After a while, things died down but I was still popular.
In Senior high, I was more confident, happier to be myself but I still compared myself to other girls, a lot and came up with the shorter end of the stick. I still wasn't madly in love with myself but there was a change. There was progress.
In my new school, I realized that boobs and ass weren't everything to guys. Curvy Cs and Double Ds weren't a common commodity as opposed to where I was coming from. Sometimes, all it took was being a girl. I started to like guys, a lot. I would have crush after crush after crush. I was 12 or 13, of course I wanted true love. I still do. But I didn't actually date till I left secondary school. I was a total nun . Where my halo at?
I got into secondary school very young. I was 9. I was happy, I didn't think I would get in but I did. People always dread their first days at a new school, I was just ready to start school. I had fun that day but some things started to happen to me.
I discovered that unconsciously, I started trying to talk like other people, walk like other people and even laugh like other people. It became a habit. I met a lot of girls who were prettier than me, taller than me, funnier than me and I wanted to be like them. I didn't like myself the way I was cus I didnt think anyone liked me the way I was. So If everyone thinks "Tanya" has a cute laugh, why don't I laugh like Tanya?
I left my junior secondary school after my third year there. It was time for Senior Secondary. And guess what, it was a military school.
I need some thriller music in the background.
My parents sent me to a place where nightmares and bullies and evil soldiers ruled. A place where the guys were all WWE champions ( locally of course) and all the girls were ninjas and spies.
The above paragraph is merely fictional. You may open your mind again.
Okay, Command, I won't say which one, was nothing like I expected. As opposed to the rumours, I had civilian teachers; I wasn't taken to the guard room for every single thing I did wrong and I wasn't doomed. It was actually fun.
I was the new girl and everyone wanted to talk to, play with, sit with, be friends with and maybe even deceive. For the first time ever, I was famous ( exaggeration! Maybe popular is a better word) And I didn't even have to try. I just had to go to school. It was nice. After a while, things died down but I was still popular.
In Senior high, I was more confident, happier to be myself but I still compared myself to other girls, a lot and came up with the shorter end of the stick. I still wasn't madly in love with myself but there was a change. There was progress.
In my new school, I realized that boobs and ass weren't everything to guys. Curvy Cs and Double Ds weren't a common commodity as opposed to where I was coming from. Sometimes, all it took was being a girl. I started to like guys, a lot. I would have crush after crush after crush. I was 12 or 13, of course I wanted true love. I still do. But I didn't actually date till I left secondary school. I was a total nun . Where my halo at?
I know I haven't posted anything in a while. I'm sorry. I had a burnout, writer's block, whatever you want want to call it. I'm going to be a better blogger, so help me God. Amen!
Hello, to anyone reading this. I sometimes wonder if anyone reads these things I post but I guess that most successful people probably had the same insecurities. I'm supposed to be in bed dreaming dreams about Sunday Service and other wonderful things but here I am, sitting in the living room, writing this... With a torchlight. The light *cough*.. I mean generator went off about an hour ago and I don't expect any electricity till 7:30pm tomorrow, when the gen comes on. Poor guy, the gen I mean.
I feel awfully melancholic tonight. Have you ever felt this way? Sigh.. I dunno where this is going, I hardly do when I write, I just Idina Menzel my way through. I write on paper first before I type. Partially to improve my handwriting and partially because I flow better that way. I just hope someone who reads this can relate. I hope I brighten someone's day or put a smile on a face or two when they realize they're not really alone.. That someone out there feels the exact same way.. . Unsure of how they feel. Sigh... The dogs are barking again.
Then maybe these are just the mindless rants of a young woman in Lagos, Nigeria who feels melancholic at this very moment. My solution? I'll talk to God about it, play music, dance, drink water and go to bed. What's your solution?
I feel awfully melancholic tonight. Have you ever felt this way? Sigh.. I dunno where this is going, I hardly do when I write, I just Idina Menzel my way through. I write on paper first before I type. Partially to improve my handwriting and partially because I flow better that way. I just hope someone who reads this can relate. I hope I brighten someone's day or put a smile on a face or two when they realize they're not really alone.. That someone out there feels the exact same way.. . Unsure of how they feel. Sigh... The dogs are barking again.
Then maybe these are just the mindless rants of a young woman in Lagos, Nigeria who feels melancholic at this very moment. My solution? I'll talk to God about it, play music, dance, drink water and go to bed. What's your solution?
Since my first year in uni, I've alwayS gotten bedspAce in a haLl of residence (Thank God for new mercies). Although I always seem to get it about 6 weeks after resumption. In my 200 level, I got a particular hall for the second time (You get reallocated each year and you might not get the same hall more than once).
A couple of weeks after settling in, I came back to school one Sunday to the tales of how my roommates plundered the limitless treasures of free WiFi. Apparently, the port was just outside the window of my first floor 6-man
room. How could it happen WHEN I went home?? Sigh. I was Very disAppoinTed. I mean, of course the Wifi just has to go off the day I come back! A number of apps on my phone needed updates and I wasn't about to use my data plan of a meagre 2GB. Why? Because then It would ONly last for a week or less. It's not called a monthly plan for nothing.
So.. Imagine my surprise when a few days later, the WiFi came back! It was a beautiful moment! Indescribable even. Imagine my surprise when the WiFi lasted for more than a week. It was awesome. I finally knew how YouTube worked! After a few weeks, we took it for granted. I didn't buy data for about 3 months cus of the hostel WiFi. The WiFi radius got to my room so I didn't even have go to the common room to get connected. All my apps were up to date... It was every Nigerian student's dream.
One day, unfortunately for a lot of us, it just stopped. No warning.. No nothing.. It just stopped. It was painful. I had to buy data amongst other things. It also meant goodbye YouTube. Sigh. I really enjoyed the free WiFi while it lasted. It was actually approved by my Uni for students and each hall is supposed to have one.
Anyway, I moved on. I bought data. Life went on, WiFiless and all. After about a week or two of the WiFiless life, the WiFi came back. I'm a Nigerian. I like free stuff sometimes. That's why giveaways make us so happy. Why we love birthdays and Christmas. It's why we love free WIFI! A sale, a discount. I dunno if it's human nature, we just have it. However, waiting on free stuff all the time can slow you down in life. Your expectations can and might always be cut short. They say nothing comes free. I almost agree tho... Except there's this one thing.
A couple of weeks after settling in, I came back to school one Sunday to the tales of how my roommates plundered the limitless treasures of free WiFi. Apparently, the port was just outside the window of my first floor 6-man
room. How could it happen WHEN I went home?? Sigh. I was Very disAppoinTed. I mean, of course the Wifi just has to go off the day I come back! A number of apps on my phone needed updates and I wasn't about to use my data plan of a meagre 2GB. Why? Because then It would ONly last for a week or less. It's not called a monthly plan for nothing.
So.. Imagine my surprise when a few days later, the WiFi came back! It was a beautiful moment! Indescribable even. Imagine my surprise when the WiFi lasted for more than a week. It was awesome. I finally knew how YouTube worked! After a few weeks, we took it for granted. I didn't buy data for about 3 months cus of the hostel WiFi. The WiFi radius got to my room so I didn't even have go to the common room to get connected. All my apps were up to date... It was every Nigerian student's dream.
One day, unfortunately for a lot of us, it just stopped. No warning.. No nothing.. It just stopped. It was painful. I had to buy data amongst other things. It also meant goodbye YouTube. Sigh. I really enjoyed the free WiFi while it lasted. It was actually approved by my Uni for students and each hall is supposed to have one.
Anyway, I moved on. I bought data. Life went on, WiFiless and all. After about a week or two of the WiFiless life, the WiFi came back. I'm a Nigerian. I like free stuff sometimes. That's why giveaways make us so happy. Why we love birthdays and Christmas. It's why we love free WIFI! A sale, a discount. I dunno if it's human nature, we just have it. However, waiting on free stuff all the time can slow you down in life. Your expectations can and might always be cut short. They say nothing comes free. I almost agree tho... Except there's this one thing.
Today, my mum told me that it took her over 3 days to give birth to me. She went into Labour on the 11th and was placed on admission in a hospital close to our house before she was moved to Ayinke house, LASUTH, Lagos. Basically she started on the 11th and she had me on the 14th. It was a Monday. On that day, the sun must have been so beautiful and the sky so blue and blah blah blah. I was eventually birthed through a C-section and several years later, I'm just finding out.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm so excited. Guess what? I have plans. Yay! Two years ago, I had the worst birthday ever. The worst. Apart from my family only about 5 people wished me a happy birthday. I was miserable! I had classes on that day till 6pm! Sigh.. Enough venting.. For now. *insert evil smirk*.
Anyways back to my plans. I was so stumped about what to do. Movie? Nehh! Party? Blehh! That's it. My span of ideas for a birthday. Sigh again. I know, I know. Anyway, I decided to ask the Giver of all for a birthday idea and I got one that pleases me immensely. I'm going to the Lekki Conservation Centre and the Palms shopping Mall, both in Lekki, Lagos. The island (Lagos island) has always held a special charm for me. There's just something magical about it. Call me crazy, I'll still think so. I mean, there's the iconic ocean, the beaches, the tall buildings, the sand in your shoes, the general tushness of that area speaks to me.
What influenced my choices? The Lekki Conservation Centre is a wild life reserve centre and it's amazing that I've never heard of it before this week. I mean, I know I'm a house rat and all but a wild life resort in Lagos?? Thank you Google. I love nature and sightseeing. The two-in-one package is irresistible for me. And then I've never been to the Palms Shopping Mall. I can't wait to unleash myself on a mall that boasts of over 30 shops.
I'll tell y'all all about it. See you on the other side and happy new year to me and all April born. Muah!
Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm so excited. Guess what? I have plans. Yay! Two years ago, I had the worst birthday ever. The worst. Apart from my family only about 5 people wished me a happy birthday. I was miserable! I had classes on that day till 6pm! Sigh.. Enough venting.. For now. *insert evil smirk*.
Anyways back to my plans. I was so stumped about what to do. Movie? Nehh! Party? Blehh! That's it. My span of ideas for a birthday. Sigh again. I know, I know. Anyway, I decided to ask the Giver of all for a birthday idea and I got one that pleases me immensely. I'm going to the Lekki Conservation Centre and the Palms shopping Mall, both in Lekki, Lagos. The island (Lagos island) has always held a special charm for me. There's just something magical about it. Call me crazy, I'll still think so. I mean, there's the iconic ocean, the beaches, the tall buildings, the sand in your shoes, the general tushness of that area speaks to me.
What influenced my choices? The Lekki Conservation Centre is a wild life reserve centre and it's amazing that I've never heard of it before this week. I mean, I know I'm a house rat and all but a wild life resort in Lagos?? Thank you Google. I love nature and sightseeing. The two-in-one package is irresistible for me. And then I've never been to the Palms Shopping Mall. I can't wait to unleash myself on a mall that boasts of over 30 shops.
I'll tell y'all all about it. See you on the other side and happy new year to me and all April born. Muah!
My eyes fly open. I sit up. I'm in bed in my four man room. It's in a female hostel in my school. As I get aware of my surroundings, I realize my sleep was disturbed by something.
"Wake up! They said everyone should leave the hostels today!! There are policemen everywhere and they are going to use tear gas on students!! I got this from a reliable source!" My mind started racing. Hearts do that too, I think. I hear her but I don't really believe her or I just really want to sleep. I wait for the light to go off.
I wake up almost two hours later, it's around 7am. There is tension in air. Something is about to happen. Someone bursts into my room. "You guys are not ready?? I'm going o!"
It's the girl from earlier. I feel like a car that has just been started although not with a key, with anxiety and a little bit of fear. My body comes alive and I spring up and move swiftly out of the room and down the corridors. I enter the room on my mind. One of the targets of my informational onslaught is asleep, the other is no where to be found. She's downstairs, her bucket on a queue, waiting to be filled with water. I pass the information and hurry to my room to pack.
Clothes, books, sandals, power bank, charger... I stuff what I can into my bag.
Brush. Bath.
Clothes. Dress up.
Hairbrush.
Food.
Go down.
It's past 9am. The fear of the unknown permeates the air. People, girls have run back and forth, in and out of the hostels. Apparently, we've been asked to leave the hostels and the university by the School Management but the Student Union Government doesn't want us to. The SUG has stated it's grievances against the SM but no one comes out to address us. The power supply is epileptic, we struggle for water everyday.. our major complaints among others. It's a tug of war. We are like refugees and we are not. Bags and boxes of all shapes and sizes; students sitting on the pavement at the side of the road and then restaurants making money out of us. People are scared. Of the police patrolling the length and breadth of the university; Of the threat of tear gas and bullets; Of the SUG supporters wielding canes and brandishing sticks. A number of students were actually flogged. I heard and almost saw. We watch some students March around under the glare of the artistic sun. I wonder how much SPF their sunscreen has and where they get their energy from.
"Open the gates!" A chant in our hearts. We long for safety, security. We long for home. I don't really want to protest although I understand why I should. I just want to go home.
It's 3pm. Several hours have passed.. I'm on my way home. I feel several shades darker. The sun has perfected it's art. My bag weighs heavy on my shoulder. I'm about to enter one of the two buses that will get me home. It feels great to be free. I smile at my friends and we begin a new journey..
-Dee M
I've loved and lost a lot in my not so long life on earth. I'm talking about people... friends, ex friends or whatever those are called. I've been feeling nostalgic for a couple of days, a week maybe? What can say? I miss some people and as for some others, I can't believe I ever had anything to do with them.
There's a song I used to love.it It simply said "no matter what happens I've got my friends". It was a nice touching sentiment but sometimes, friends lie, friends aren't genuine, sometimes they use you, hurt you, sometimes friends leave you. Sometimes your friends aren't really your friends and it's all fun and games till you need them. I'm really not against having friends as long as you know who they really are.
You know, I've always wanted a bff (best friend forever) but I don't think it's in God's plan for my life. Some of my best friends and I lost touch cus of school, misunderstandings and sometimes it was because I realized that I was the only one who was really willing to give or go the extra mile. Have you ever done something for someone that cost you something? Then imagine the pain when you realize they wouldn't do the same for you.
I've moved into a hostel in school very recently and I find myself wanting friends around me. The problem is I'm too socially awkward to flow with everyone or just anyone. A lot of people think I'm amazing but still I don't have that one friend (or more, I really don't mind) that I can call my ride or die. We always lose touch, drift apart, fight... Something. I've become a lone ranger as a result. Learned to be happy by myself
Sometimes, you don't realize you've learnt a lesson until something happens more than once. You do exactly the same things and hope for something different each time. You're actually quite mad according to a wise guy who's dead.
I guess I just feel old because I know how different I've become. I have a lot of responsibilities on my shoulders and a lesser number of people I can call my friends. I miss some of the ones I've lost. My ex best friend, some that tried to get out of the friend zone and some that I'm just too shy to say hello to. Its kind of amazing that I used to be close to some people and now I barely know what to say to then.
And then there are some people I will just never miss. Ever. Like never ever ever ever never ever. Keep your Justin Bieber comebacks, thank you very much. - Damimyne
There's a song I used to love.it It simply said "no matter what happens I've got my friends". It was a nice touching sentiment but sometimes, friends lie, friends aren't genuine, sometimes they use you, hurt you, sometimes friends leave you. Sometimes your friends aren't really your friends and it's all fun and games till you need them. I'm really not against having friends as long as you know who they really are.
You know, I've always wanted a bff (best friend forever) but I don't think it's in God's plan for my life. Some of my best friends and I lost touch cus of school, misunderstandings and sometimes it was because I realized that I was the only one who was really willing to give or go the extra mile. Have you ever done something for someone that cost you something? Then imagine the pain when you realize they wouldn't do the same for you.
I've moved into a hostel in school very recently and I find myself wanting friends around me. The problem is I'm too socially awkward to flow with everyone or just anyone. A lot of people think I'm amazing but still I don't have that one friend (or more, I really don't mind) that I can call my ride or die. We always lose touch, drift apart, fight... Something. I've become a lone ranger as a result. Learned to be happy by myself
Sometimes, you don't realize you've learnt a lesson until something happens more than once. You do exactly the same things and hope for something different each time. You're actually quite mad according to a wise guy who's dead.
I guess I just feel old because I know how different I've become. I have a lot of responsibilities on my shoulders and a lesser number of people I can call my friends. I miss some of the ones I've lost. My ex best friend, some that tried to get out of the friend zone and some that I'm just too shy to say hello to. Its kind of amazing that I used to be close to some people and now I barely know what to say to then.
And then there are some people I will just never miss. Ever. Like never ever ever ever never ever. Keep your Justin Bieber comebacks, thank you very much. - Damimyne
I went to the 2015 Maritime Expo to find out more about the maritime sector. I did. It was a 3 day program that involved seminar sessions and an exhibition. I only went for one day and I assumed it would be boring because I went alone but it really wasn't.
I got more than I bargained for because I met someone I'd like to call the man of my dreams. He was tall, dark, not overly handsome plus (When I say plus, I mean PLUS!!) he was wearing a suit! And he had a beard! He was just wonderful to peek at.
You know that almost awkward situation where you look and find someone's eyes on you. You both look away and when you return the favour they catch you staring as well. Yea... It was kinda like that. I was just so enthralled by his unparalleled aura. I mean he wasn't the most handsome guy in the room but he stood out.
Just before the session started, Everyone was ushered into the hall to be used. I found a seat and stayed with my phone while looking around. I couldn't help but notice that dream man knew about every body. He was saying hi to a lot of people.
He walked up or down to greet someone sitting right in front of me and for some reason, I felt the need to check his ring finger. It wasn't bare. He was married. That poured icy water all over my dreaminess. Yuck!
I told almost every girl I met in school for the next few days about the man of my dreams but it always ended with the tragic line "He's married"...
I got more than I bargained for because I met someone I'd like to call the man of my dreams. He was tall, dark, not overly handsome plus (When I say plus, I mean PLUS!!) he was wearing a suit! And he had a beard! He was just wonderful to peek at.
You know that almost awkward situation where you look and find someone's eyes on you. You both look away and when you return the favour they catch you staring as well. Yea... It was kinda like that. I was just so enthralled by his unparalleled aura. I mean he wasn't the most handsome guy in the room but he stood out.
Just before the session started, Everyone was ushered into the hall to be used. I found a seat and stayed with my phone while looking around. I couldn't help but notice that dream man knew about every body. He was saying hi to a lot of people.
He walked up or down to greet someone sitting right in front of me and for some reason, I felt the need to check his ring finger. It wasn't bare. He was married. That poured icy water all over my dreaminess. Yuck!
I told almost every girl I met in school for the next few days about the man of my dreams but it always ended with the tragic line "He's married"...
So last night, my dad told me about a member of our extended family that had just died.
"That's sad", I said, my voice flat.
" Yes, it is." He agreed.
After that encounter, I realized with a start that I didn't feel even the tiniest twinge of pity or sadness. Why would I? I didn't know her. I don't think I ever met her and if I did, I don't remember. I don't even have an idea of what she looks like. All I know is that she was an old lady and we were related.
But... She just died. And she was a mother and a sister and a friend. That should make me feel bad, right? It doesn't. I just feel bad because I don't feel bad. Does that make sense?
I've realized that I can be detached from my emotions sometimes. And then people react strongly to some things around me and I can't even find it in me to sigh.
Anyway the burial is today. She's probably a Muslim. And in 40 days, people will gather round to eat and drink and celebrate someone's death. I'm not sure I understand why we do that. Oh. I just remembered it's called a 'Celebration of Life'. I'll probably be there but I'll try to avoid going.
I mean, if she was sick, I didn't know and even if I knew, I wouldn't have cared much. If she had needs, I never heard about them. If she was sad, I wasn't there to comfort her. I don't even know her name. And then someone tell me what it is I'm celebrating? The life I was never part of? The joys and sorrows I never knew about? Or her death probably with a slaughtered cow or ram and half a bag of rice and over 500 guests and "wellwishers". We can't leave them out.
I hope I don't sound sadistic. I really didn't mean to. I'm just having a hard time accepting the way life and society are. It's a bit disgusting. And then I just feel bad because I don't feel bad.
"That's sad", I said, my voice flat.
" Yes, it is." He agreed.
After that encounter, I realized with a start that I didn't feel even the tiniest twinge of pity or sadness. Why would I? I didn't know her. I don't think I ever met her and if I did, I don't remember. I don't even have an idea of what she looks like. All I know is that she was an old lady and we were related.
But... She just died. And she was a mother and a sister and a friend. That should make me feel bad, right? It doesn't. I just feel bad because I don't feel bad. Does that make sense?
I've realized that I can be detached from my emotions sometimes. And then people react strongly to some things around me and I can't even find it in me to sigh.
Anyway the burial is today. She's probably a Muslim. And in 40 days, people will gather round to eat and drink and celebrate someone's death. I'm not sure I understand why we do that. Oh. I just remembered it's called a 'Celebration of Life'. I'll probably be there but I'll try to avoid going.
I mean, if she was sick, I didn't know and even if I knew, I wouldn't have cared much. If she had needs, I never heard about them. If she was sad, I wasn't there to comfort her. I don't even know her name. And then someone tell me what it is I'm celebrating? The life I was never part of? The joys and sorrows I never knew about? Or her death probably with a slaughtered cow or ram and half a bag of rice and over 500 guests and "wellwishers". We can't leave them out.
I hope I don't sound sadistic. I really didn't mean to. I'm just having a hard time accepting the way life and society are. It's a bit disgusting. And then I just feel bad because I don't feel bad.
 |
| Squad!!! |
So, I went to Ikogosi warm springs with my family on the 30th of December. As most of you know, it's located in Ekiti state. It's about an hour away from my hometown, Usi Ekiti, Ekiti state. Yes, I had my new year ushering in my village. It turned out okay, I didn't want to go but like I said, it turned out okay. After being annoyed by being made to wait for my brother to get his BVN at a bank in Ado Ekiti, we were finally on our way. Did I forget to mention that Ekiti was really cold. The harmattan was out of this state.
At the gate, you're expected to pay 500 naira per head although the man was nice enough to let my baby bro go in for free. We weren't the only family that had that idea tho cus the place was swarming. There weren't sooo many people but it wasn't close to being empty either. It was a great mixture of nature and man.
The highlight of this place is supposed to be the meeting point of the warm and cold springs and it is truly amazing how both meet in a little pond but don't mix. The cold water remains really cold and the warm water, really warm. i mean how water stays warm in that kind of weather is a wonder of nature.
I had fun and family time which we haven't had in a loong time. Dad travels a lot plus the bros and I are in one school or the other.
The fam minus one
If you ever decide to go to the Ikogosi warm springs, make sure you take your food, drinks and swimming gear. The prices of stuff there was ridiculous while the pool was hard to resist. And make sure you go with your family and or some friends. Places like these are best enjoyed with loved ones.
