Up and Doing

I'm dry,
Because I need you
I'm not high,
Because I need you
I sigh, oh why?
Because I need you
I cry,
Because I need you.

My need for you
Is a hunger
It is a thirst
Insatiable in its quest
My need for you is a drive
Pushing me through limits I didn't know I had.
Time is a mirage on this ride.
It is not enough.
Chasing after you is hard
There's just so much to do.
The distractions and side attractions
Attempt to drag me to oblivion
On the edge of a precipice I play.
A dangerous game, I know.
Its the only one on my phone.
Addiction is calling
Depression is texting.
I've tried to uninstall the app
It keeps coming back
I throw my phone away only to search for it again.
I need you, again and again.
I need you like the earth needs the rain.

My need for you is blinding
Like white light after being in the dark.
My need for you is increasing,
Daily.. No by the second.
Sometimes the thought of you consumes my very soul.
And other times, you're like someone I've never known.
When we shall be one..?
I don't know,
Lover of my soul.
But until that day, I'll never stop chasing after you.

Not enough

I am an outsider,
Watching through the cracks in the wall,
A world I don't know,
I want to be a part of it all.
I can see the door right there,
But I can't go in,
I don't have the right key,
I search and search,
The bunch holds too much,
My persistence unlocks,
A whole new world,
I'm Alice in a wonderland of my own.
I try to explore,
I try to own this journey,
But the path is blurry,
I can't seem to find my way,
Where to go, I don't know!
Scratched and wounded ,
I find myself in the midst of it all,
I'm so out of place,
The looks actually scathe,
My tears burn my face,
I run away,
I wasn't invited.
Why did I try?
Why did I dive?
Why does it always come to this?
It always ends,
It's always rejection,
I'm screaming on the inside,
Despair echoes deep in my soul,
I just don't want to be alone!
I don't want to be alone.
I want to fit in,
I don't want to cry myself to sleep,
I want to hold hands with someone,
I want to feel the heat with someone,
I want to laugh with someone,
I want to cry with someone,
Not alone.
Not anymore.
It has simply become
Not enough,
It never was.
Forgive me if I barrel into your life,
Forgive me if I smile at you,
I'm sorry if I give you a hug,
I'm sorry cus I'll hold your hand too long,
What I have without you
Is not enough for me,
Not anymore.

I unknowingly search for your face in the crowd
My heart longs for a glimpse of you
You're the one I don't know
Yet you're the one on my mind
Our meeting was misplaced
A chance encounter that almost never happened
You made me blush to my roots
It wasn't just your words
It wasn't just your eyes
It was you
All of you, telling me the same thing
"You're beautiful"
I looked away
I couldn't bear the intensity of your gaze
You were beautiful too
Your brows
Your hair
Your proud nose
The curve of your lips into a smile
Drawing me to you.
I wonder about you
This boy on my mind
Who are you?
Where are you?
I wonder what we could have been
Probably more than friends
But I might never know
You didn't get down from the cab.

Looking at someone with new eyes,
Means realizing things you never have,
Means doing things you've never done.
Before I met you,
All I saw were blue skies,
Now all I see are blue cars.
Before I met you,
Black was just the colour of my jeans.
Now it's the colour of your skin.
Conversations play in my head,
Over and over,
Words mold and become bold.
You're trying to figure me out,
How am I supposed to figure you out?
Nervous eyes and shy smiles,
Meet looks I'm not sure I can define.
I wonder about your life,
What it's like,
Why you think it's so sad.
I ponder on your kindness,
Are there motives you hide?
I am getting overwhelmed by your easy smile,
By that look in your eyes.
You're running from something.
You can't seem to get away.
But you keep going from place to place.
You drive fast but it keeps its pace.
You're good at keeping up this façade.
You think no one can see beyond the lift of your brows.
Or the charm you seem to douse yourself in,
I've seen the unease in your eyes,
The pain you try to hide.
I've seen the skeletons on your face,
I've seen the scars wedged in your soul
I've seen more than you'll ever know.
Now that you're not around,
I think I can be calm.
I think my heart can beat to its own tune again.
I think I can see blue skies again.
Now that you're gone,
I hope your heart will heal,
I hope your pain will fade away,
Now that you're gone,
I hope I'll see you again.

Today, I met a lord.
Introduction to real life had dulled his sword.
His swagger had lost its bearing.
His Igbo accent wasn’t as glaring.
Oh my lord, what happened to your soul?
You were always ready to argue
Rearing to go
Now your eyes have lost their sparkle
I wonder what has happened
The most shocking part of it all is that you did not even try.
Remember that joke dry
You've changed in some ways
But it's not written on your face.
After all this, what can I say?
It was nice to meet you again,
My lord

I watch quietly from the back.
A hub of activity cracks,
Silence is the spoon that breaks.
The souls look on in wait.
Silence permeates their souls
Snuffing out all but the air they breathe
Something disrupts
A voice? A squeak?
Maybe even a shuffling of feet.
No one can tell
But silence, the poor fiend,
Swiftly they descend!
Destroying his hold
Revenge served cold
A madness unfolds!

Battered and bruised,
He comes to me
He sits with me
He speaks to me
Not with chords
For he has none
But with his eyes.
Those eyes!
They speak noises!
Even madness!
I can hear his voices!
Words I cannot express
Silently screaming
He's in pain
I can't stand his pain
So I stab him in the heart!
He bleeds and bleeds
Thick golden blood
Until finally
Silence dies..

I wish you'd understand,
That I don't know what to say.
I dont know how to say.
That I don't know when to say.
We're not what we used to be,
We're not how we used to be.
My smiles to you don't reach my eyes.
I cringe everytime you look at me.
You think I'm being mean.
You don't know what I mean.
I can't face you,
but it's not my fault.
You severed our ties,
I just consented.
I don't argue, I never do.
Not on these topics anyway.
I never know what to say.
I don't expect much from you.
You think it's a problem.
But I've danced that dance before.
I only get exhausted.
It's a downward spiral,
A lonely waltz.
After all this,
You'll ask me
Who sent you?
And once again,
I'll cry myself to sleep.

A new temperation has arisen.
Shall my flesh fall back into this prison?
A distress in my soul,
A thorn in my flesh,
Clinging to my insides.
My mind is mush,
Rendered useless by your smile.
We've always been friends
Why do you seek to change that?
Because of a connection I can't control..
Because my body responds to yours.
My will is weak.
My flesh is weaker.
Don't tempt me.
I fear I can't bear it.
I fear more losing you.
After all is said and done.
I know I will lose you.
So stay my friend,
In the safety of the zone.

It all started with a misunderstanding.

How did I spend my valentine?
I went on a romantic date with sleep.
He took me in his car.
He called her Sweet Dreams.
We had breakfast in London,
Lunch in Hawaii
and Dinner in Paris.
All in one day!
I fell in love with that wonderful man, Sleep.
He was a 'dream come true'


During dinner, he asked me to marry him.
I was speechless.
It was the most romantic proposal ever,
in the city of my dreams,
It was perfect.
But amid my joy, I hesitated.
'Why am I stopping?', I ask myself.
My subconscious replied.
'Because I'm here, you idiot!'
She's quite mean to me but I don't mind

'Are you sure you really want to spend the rest of your life with him??'
'Well, yes. I love him.'
'Shut up! What do you know about love?'
I didn't answer.
'Do you realize who he is?'
'Yes, I know he is Sleep, the owner of dreams'
'He is also the owner of nightmares!'
'But he's only made me happy today.'
'Fine, suit yourself. But do you know you have to die?'
'Die?', I squeaked.

She laughed at me.
I realized that all this wasn't real.
It was what it was, a dream.
I had to wake up or my dreams would never really come through.
It was fun while it lasted.
I thanked her, my mean and wise subconscious.
Then I pinched myself.

I tried very hard,
gave it my best,
I even broke a sweat.
I traveled several miles.
I used my money and time.
My love and my smile.
I did it with the best intentions
but I got no reward for my ministrations
I got fake smiles and fake thank yous,

insults and put downs.
Where's the warm hug I thought I would get?
Where's the friend I thought I had in you?
Why are there tears of disappointment on my face?
What am I going to do?
I will smile and wipe my tears.
I will cry and face my fears.
What fears have I?
That I will be alone.
That you will leave me.
That you will make make me cry.
That you will hurt me.
But you cannot know for my pride is great.
So I will hold my head high and bear my fate
I will be strong and see your face
One more day, I say.
Maybe it's today.
I'll finally hear those words,
you'll say you love me,
even if it isn't true.
I'd rather tell myself this than accept the truth
That you don't love me and I don't love you
and I'm just scared to die alone

This was a very random poem inspired by my frustration at not getting a bedspace in my school. I'm actually single and not in love with anyone at the moment and I dunno where that part came from. But I love how it looks and feels. I hope you also do