Dear J,
We haven't spoken in several months, not by
any fault of yours. You've tried to keep in touch and I've tried to stay away.
I succeeded more than you, obviously. I really don't know what to say to you
but I'll try. I don't remember our first conversation, It was about 4 years
ago. But I remember how we would chat through the night on 2go. I faintly
remember you asking me to be your girlfriend, my naïve excitement and me
waiting till the next evening to say yes. In my naïvete, that was the best way
to play hard to get. I remember you. I remember how full my heart was. I
remember our declarations of love. I remember the promises we would never keep.
I remember how it all went downhill.
I think I really did love you like I said I
did. I was innocent, young and stupid. I was also eager to rush into the arms
of Cupid. I mean, the dude didn't even need an arrow. I was quite foolish. We were quite foolish. I mean, we promised each other marriage and I
was 15! We even had plans about children, names and all. As embarrassing as
this is to write, It must be written. I actually thought our love would last
forever or that we would at least get married like we planned. I remember all
the air kisses through phone calls. Alright, not all and not even a lot of
them. A few, I guess. Sorry, my memories
of you are quite hazy these days but one thing I clearly remember is that our
2go love was real. I even knew your ex girlfriend. She was so slim, light
skinned and pretty and I was a bit jealous. I mean what did I have that made
you choose me? Back then, I wasn't as pretty as her and that's what boys of
your age were probably after. I got to like her a little, I mean she was your
friend and I had to try for you because I loved you, right?
Do you remember that story you told me
about a movie you watched? You told me about a guy who fell in love with two
girls, This guy was in love with Isabel and then he met Becky and fell in
love with her as well. Then the guy was in a relationship with both of them and
he did not know who to pick. Immediately you started the story, I got a sinking
feeling in my chest and my instincts told me you were lying. That it wasn't a
movie, it was real and I was Becky... with the good hair. I was so scared that
it was true and I was Becky with the good hair.
I was like:
"Instincts, you're lying!"
"D, I'm telling you
the truth!"
"NO! It's not true! J
loves me! Instincts! Tell me it's not true!"
"I'm so sorry
D", Instincts looked away with despair in his eyes. "I hate to be the
bringer of bad news but.." Instincts couldn't continue with the
#StoriesThatTouch
"Oh instincts!"
Dami sobs hysterically...
Dude, of all the names to pick, why Becky?
I mean, there was Pearl or even Hepatitah!! I confronted you and you confirmed
my fears, I was actually Becky. I was so calm about it. I admire
how calm I was. I didn't even cry. I wonder why. And then I gave you an ultimatum: Her or Me.
You picked me and I wish you hadn't because
I broke your heart not long after or at least I think I did.
Fast forward to a few months later, we
started to drift apart. You were very busy with some stuff I don't remember and
it started to affect us. We began to talk less and drift more and I started
getting bored. I missed you of course but I realized I did not love you anymore. I remember that at least twice you asked me to send you airtime and I
did, I remember being disturbed about it. I remember my bestie not being in
support of my relationship with you despite our being on the same page about almost
everything else. I remember that sometimes our conversations were hollow and empty
with no depth. How could a love like that last? Sometimes I was uncomfortable
with somethings you said but I said nothing because I loved you and love is
about sacrifice, I mean we were going to get married and have kids. We never fought, never argued or had fall outs. We were always
happy with each other. What a fairy tale.
I mean how unreal could life get. I remember the only time we met during
our relationship. It was at the church I attended at that time. Our meeting was
very brief, like 5 minutes but I can't wrap my mind about the fact that you
expected me to kiss you there and then, in the open. I was so embarrassed plus
I was at church! Of course I disagreed!! As I watched you walk away, a chord
stroke deep within me and I thought there had to be more to this love thing.
As cliché as this may sound, I never meant
to hurt you. I just got bored, I think, and staying in love was harder than
falling in it. Since we only met once before we broke up and once after, I
can't say I missed your smile or the way you lifted one brow or any other
physical features. I barely recognize you on Facebook the last time I saw your picture!
The way we held on wasn't life and I'm glad it's over.
I wish you all the
good things in life,
D.
