Dear O,
If your memory is that rusty, I'll remind you. A week of not picking your calls or replying your msgs. A day after law dinner.. Around 7 in the morning. I called you out of your hostel because I wanted answers to some questions. Answers you ended up not giving because you "diplomatically" (I’m not even sure that's a word) pushed them away. I wanted to know what was going on with you and my classmate, C and about this girl I know I saw on your phone. I know I said I didn't want a relationship and I know I wasn't the only girl in your life at that time but the evidence was too much to bear. I almost went crazy wondering and wondering and thinking. I think a lot and guy, I didn't even know what to think. I was just thinking.
And after the romantic stroll on the lagoon front and breakfast at mavise. After all the butterflies and electricity and chemistry ( legit, the chemistry was mad and I’ve never felt anything like it) and biology. After everything, I made one of the best decisions I've ever made in my incomplete lifespan. I chose Jesus and let you go. And I don't care what you believe or don't believe. I actually do not care. I know Jesus and he didn't live a life of enjoyment. He lived a life of sacrifice. John 3vs16. Just because of me. Don't you ever try to tell me otherwise. I will walk out on you. I'm not a child, O. I know I'm naïve but I’m not stupid. I have gone through things you probably can’t imagine me ever going through. I have been in dark places. I've lost myself and my way so many times. I'm not proud but I have a little knowledge. I know what I know.
We never fought. Never argued. That's scary. I am so hot tempered. You have no idea. But I never got angry with you. And I don’t remember you ever being angry with me. If I want to be sincere, I could say I was in love with you. But I wasn’t whole so I didn’t love you with all my heart. I couldn’t. My heart was too broken for that. I've told a few people our story and I almost always ended with that line. I think I was in love with him. Because it was true.
Where’s all this coming from? It’s coming from me making a decision. Jesus is my way. Deal with it.
Dami Myne.
WARNING: Reader's discretion is gently advised.
This only applies if you’re related to the hosts.
1. Everyone knows you. Including people you've never met in your incomplete lifespan.
2. You’re a short cut to everything to the guests. I mean anything.. Spoons, meat, drinks.. Kind of like a MasterCard.
3. The bigger the party, the less significant you are. Except you’re the bride or groom. You’re only recognized when it’s time to take pictures.
4. Don’t wear high heels for too long, you will regret it.
5. You are your greatest enemy. Wear a mask. For real.
6. You’re a house girl and a sales girl all at once.
7. People will annoy you in ways you never imagined.
8. Eat before you leave home.
9. If you’re getting to the venue late, get made up. I mean jaw dropping, face sculpting, beauty increasing make up. People will be too stunned to scold you, especially if you’re a guy.
10. All the rich, fine boys are abroad or on TV.
11. Dance well, but only on the dance floor. You might not be sprayed otherwise.
12. This is legit one of the best ways to lose weight
13. “Mogbo moya” is a must if it’s not strictly by invitation.
14. Make the best out of the opportunity to make money and connections.
15. I just have to be corny, be yourself abeg. Forming might not help you. Imagine you fell down..
16. Please don’t fall down.
17. OK bye
P.S: Gently is a real word. I just found out.
Have you ever whined and cried for something so bad but when you got it, you wondered why you asked? I've been asking God for some things for about 4-5 months and now that I have them, I wonder why I really wanted them. I asked for freedom, now it’s too much. I asked for money, now it’s too much. I'm not used to having so much that I don’t know what to do with it. I asked for my own space and now, it’s lonely. I used to stay in an apartment with 7 girls and sometimes it got really rowdy but they kept me sane. They kept me safe. Now that I'm not on my own, I really don’t know what I should be doing.
Being with like-minded people does something to you. You tend to have the same ideologies on matters in a general sense. Now that I don’t live with them, my mind has begun to roam free. And now, I am confused.
I just turned 21 which means I'm meant to get my act together, be grown up and responsible. I have to know what I want to do with my life. I have to stand fiercely for something or fall for anything. I’ve been asking myself if the life I’ve lived for the past 4 years is the one I want to live for the next 70. I’ve been asking myself what I really want. I've been asking myself who I really am. And who I want to be.
I'm not a feminist. I’m sorry ladies, I don’t care about women’s rights strongly enough to base my life on it. I'm not a human or child rights activist. I am passionate about women and children’s rights but not so much to live for it all my days. I'm not a lawyer. I've “studied” law for almost 5 years and my love for it has only reduced over time. I'm not a slay queen or a fashionista..
For the past 4 years, I've slowly but surely began to stand for Christ and I haven’t regretted it. Not one bit. B U T, the older I got, the more enticing the world got and now it’s like the world is after me. Literally. From boys to success to money to friends. In the midst of all this, I'm still asking myself this question..
What do I stand for?
