Be Yourself 1

2:41 am

"BE YOURSELF", I think I heard this phrase about a thousand times when I was growing up. What am I saying? I'm still growing up. "When I was younger" seems more appropriate. At first, I didn't understand. It didn't even matter. I just sang along to the songs and enjoyed the movies and life went on.
I got into secondary school very young. I was 9. I was happy, I didn't think I would get in but I did. People always dread their first days at a new school, I was just ready to start school. I had fun that day but some things started to happen to me.
  I discovered that unconsciously, I started trying to talk like other people, walk like other people and even laugh like other people. It became a habit. I met a lot of girls who were prettier than me, taller than me, funnier than me and I wanted to be like them. I didn't like myself the way I was cus I didnt think anyone liked me the way I was. So If everyone thinks "Tanya" has a cute laugh, why don't I laugh like Tanya?
  I left my junior secondary school after my third year there. It was time for Senior Secondary. And guess what, it was a military school.
   I need some thriller music in the background.
   My parents sent me to a place where nightmares and bullies and evil soldiers ruled. A place where the guys were all WWE champions ( locally of course) and all the girls were ninjas and spies.
  The above paragraph is merely fictional. You may open your mind again.
  Okay, Command, I won't say which one, was nothing like I expected. As opposed to the rumours, I had civilian teachers; I wasn't taken to the guard room for every single thing I did wrong and I wasn't doomed. It was actually fun.
   I was the new girl and everyone wanted to talk to, play with, sit with, be friends with and maybe even deceive. For the first time ever, I was famous ( exaggeration! Maybe popular is a better word) And I didn't even have to try. I just had to go to school. It was nice. After a while, things died down but I was still popular.
  In Senior high, I was more confident, happier to be myself but I still compared myself to other girls, a lot and came up with the shorter end of the stick. I still wasn't madly in love with myself but there was a change. There was progress.
  In my new school, I realized that boobs and ass weren't everything to guys. Curvy Cs and Double Ds weren't a common commodity as opposed to where I was coming from. Sometimes, all it took was being a girl. I started to like guys, a lot. I would have crush after crush after crush. I was 12 or 13, of course I wanted true love. I still do. But I didn't actually date till I left secondary school. I was a total nun . Where my halo at?
I know I haven't posted anything in a while. I'm sorry. I had a burnout, writer's block, whatever you want want to call it. I'm going to be a better blogger, so help me God. Amen!

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