Lessons from a recent Owambe.

11:32 pm

WARNING: Reader's discretion is gently advised.

This only applies if you’re related to the hosts.
1. Everyone knows you. Including people you've never met in your incomplete lifespan.
2. You’re a short cut to everything to the guests. I mean anything.. Spoons, meat, drinks.. Kind of like a MasterCard.
3. The bigger the party, the less significant you are. Except you’re the bride or groom. You’re only recognized when it’s time to take pictures.
4. Don’t wear high heels for too long, you will regret it.
5. You are your greatest enemy. Wear a mask. For real.
6. You’re a house girl and a sales girl all at once.
7. People will annoy you in ways you never imagined.
8. Eat before you leave home.
9. If you’re getting to the venue late, get made up. I mean jaw dropping, face sculpting, beauty increasing make up. People will be too stunned to scold you, especially if you’re a guy.
10. All the rich, fine boys are abroad or on TV.
11. Dance well, but only on the dance floor. You might not be sprayed otherwise.
12. This is legit one of the best ways to lose weight
13. “Mogbo moya” is a must if it’s not strictly by invitation.
14. Make the best out of the opportunity to make money and connections.
15. I just have to be corny, be yourself abeg. Forming might not help you. Imagine you fell down..
16. Please don’t fall down.
17. OK bye

P.S: Gently is a real word. I just found out.

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