A letter to make a Statement

3:46 am

Dear O,
    If your memory is that rusty, I'll remind you. A week of not picking your calls or replying your msgs. A day after law dinner.. Around 7 in the morning. I called you out of your hostel because I wanted answers to some questions. Answers you ended up not giving because you "diplomatically" (I’m not even sure that's a word) pushed them away. I wanted to know what was going on with you and my classmate, C and about this girl I know I saw on your phone. I know I said I didn't want a relationship and I know I wasn't the only girl in your life at that time but the evidence was too much to bear. I almost went crazy wondering and wondering and thinking. I think a lot and guy, I didn't even know what to think. I was just thinking.
    And after the romantic stroll on the lagoon front and breakfast at mavise. After all the butterflies and electricity and chemistry ( legit, the chemistry was mad and I’ve never felt anything like it) and biology. After everything, I made one of the best decisions I've ever made in my incomplete lifespan. I chose Jesus and let you go. And I don't care what you believe or don't believe. I actually do not care. I know Jesus and he didn't live a life of enjoyment. He lived a life of sacrifice. John 3vs16. Just because of me. Don't you ever try to tell me otherwise. I will walk out on you. I'm not a child, O. I know I'm naïve but I’m not stupid. I have gone through things you probably can’t imagine me ever going through. I have been in dark places. I've lost myself and my way so many times. I'm not proud but I have a little knowledge. I know what I know.
   We never fought. Never argued. That's scary. I am so hot tempered. You have no idea. But I never got angry with you. And I don’t remember you ever being angry with me. If I want to be sincere, I could say I was in love with you. But I wasn’t whole so I didn’t love you with all my heart. I couldn’t. My heart was too broken for that. I've told a few people our story and I almost always ended with that line. I think I was in love with him. Because it was true.
    Where’s all this coming from? It’s coming from me making a decision. Jesus is my way. Deal with it.
       Dami Myne.

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